5 tips to survive the alleged most wonderful time of the year
This is a post for the mom who is feeling . . .like it’s actually not the most wonderful time of the year.
Just like the seasons of fall/winter/spring/summer come and go, there are seasons in your life in which you won’t be at your personal best (and we are human, so it’s normal and please trust that it will pass). Maybe you have a newborn this year—adding to your clan of four other kids. Maybe you’re going through chemotherapy or recovering from an injury. Maybe you’ve recently lost a parent or loved one. Maybe your relationship is in struggle or you are having your first Christmas in a long time alone.
The holidays can drudge up a lot of family stuff. They may trigger painful memories. They may invoke the scarcity mindset. They are vulnerable opportunities for social media comparison and feeling less-than. The shame gremlins can kick into high gear, which is exhausting.
Here are 5 tips to survive the season AND also find pockets of joy, give yourself grace, and safeguard your wellbeing during this busy time of year.
Let go of the painful myth of the perfection season. Let go of what your holiday “should” be.
It’s OK if you skip the tree this year. Or skip holiday cards. Or if your mental health or physical state warrants marathon-bingeing of the Hallmark movies.
You can gift your children secondhand. You can give way fewer gifts than you think you should. You can bake 1-2 kinds of cookies instead of a dozen types.
Erase “should” from your holiday season. This is not a competition to do the most. No one is grading you on how much joyful opportunities you created for your family. You aren’t getting gold stars for decorating every surface of your home.
HALT (not just for you, but for your loved ones, especially kids). This is a popular tool that reminds you to take a moment to ask yourself if you’re feeling
H = hungry
A = angry
L = loneliness
T = tired
And if you are feeling one or more of these things, address it, and promptly.
Indulge your senses.
So many times, the idea of Christmas is to go, go, go, do all the things, spend lots of money on grand experiences guaranteed to wow, etc.
Keep it simple. Light a seasonally scented candle you love. Play a special song or album that gives you happy memories and fills you up (for me, it’s Hanson’s “Snowed In”). Take a walk after dinner to see the holiday lights—be careful of your brain’s unkind tendency to say something like “I should’ve hung lights at my house” and be intentional to appreciate the glow, the scenery. Sit down with your favorite seasonal treat—on a plate, uninterrupted, and mindfully savor each bite.
Find gratitude where you can.
Depending on your current season of life, it can be hard to find even small things to be grateful for. You don’t need to make a long list. It doesn’t need to be inspiring or huge. Start where you are, right now. Are you breathing in and out without congestion, or gasping for air? Are you comfortable where you are right now, like in your body temperature, with the fabric you’re wearing or that’s covering you?
Gratitude is magnified when you share it. So even just saying aloud (to a partner or your children) “I love how soft this blanket is. It feels so cozy.”
Focus LESS on stuff.
Instead, bring your attention to quality time, love, connection, sharing traditions, creating new ones. It’s your family, it’s your home, you can rewrite your own script.
Don’t let guilt or comparison trap you into buying six or 20 more items to toss into their stocking. Don’t let fear of missing out coerce you into another night out and about when you really want to be cozied up with a cocktail watching White Christmas.
Don’t let the Hallmark movies or Instagram influencers convince you that this season needs to look or feel a certain way in order to be just right.
What’s right for you and your family is what brings about the most connection and peace. There’s beauty in the small moments. There’s magic to be found in rest and stillness. There’s compassion in just being together without hustle and bustle. It’s an act of resistance, and you are strong enough to reclaim your holidays. It’s not too late.
It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t add #6 which is to delegate. So many of my clients are the mom who is not only working and primary caregiver of the kids, she’s also the one running the household. Tis the season to let each family member carry their own weight. It shouldn’t fall on you, and you can change that. Ask for what you need. Invite everyone to take care of the home you all share.
If you can’t bare the thought of opening yet another present of slippers or bubble bath: tell your family you want a gift certificate for Consciously Cleared and Contained. Send them here to contact me for a personalized gift card—sure to bring order, calm, and relief to next year’s You.
If you are beginning to feel inspired to declutter and get organized in 2024, book a free call now or soon: https://calendly.com/consciouslyclearedandcontainedllc/freecall