7 ways to declutter for self care

If there’s one thing I know for sure from working with people who are overwhelmed by clutter, it’s that self-care is NOT a regular practice, because they (*we, myself included) are pretty typically pouring our own cups into everyone else’s, teetering on the brink of burnout, in self-preservation mode, and at the end of the day, the last thing we want to do is DECLUTTER.

We tend to think of self-care as luxurious bubble baths, massages, or some extravagant special act.

When really, it’s giving yourself what you need to feel good. It’s drinking extra water in the summer because it’s hot. It’s wearing shorts because the weather is warm, even if you don’t have totally toned legs. It’s saying no to back-to-back birthday parties because the rushing around is exhausting. It’s basic, it’s intuitive (when we are listening!), and it’s rooted in generosity and kindness toward our selves.

When I lived in NYC, I was in dialectic behavior therapy, I learned an acryonym that has stuck with me (and they’ve since added on, and the new version is so great, check it out here):

PLEASE

• Treat Physical Illness and take medications as prescribed.

• Balance eating in order to avoid mood swings.

• Avoid mood-Altering substances and have mood control.

• Maintain good sleep so you can enjoy your life.

• Get exercise to maintain high spirits.

Knowing what I know now—that CLUTTER and stress are profusely intertwined—I want to tell you from my own personal experience with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, that finding ways to tame the clutter has immediate and life-altering effects.

And I mean clutter as in excess, busyness, unhealthy relationships, too much emphasis on perfection and productivity. It’s more than having too many hooded sweatshirts or small appliances.

Declutter your thoughts

• The brain dump: this has been incredible for me. Especially as a parent, and now as a small business owner. Just taking even 5 minutes (ideally 15) to free write as quickly as possible every thought I’m having to help get it out of my head and put it onto paper allows me freedom and grace.

• Practice stillness, quiet, unplugging—even if it’s just for a few moments a day. Be intentional with yourself, put your phone in another room, and just sit still and breathe for 3 breaths. Notice how simple and refreshing it feels. It’s a gift you’re giving yourself. You are worthy of this time.

Declutter your time

• Stop jampacking your own schedule (or your kids’)—you don’t need to do all the things, and neither do they.

• Build in rest breaks, on purpose, buffer times, days off. Put it on your schedule and consider it nonnegotiable.

• Open yourself for spontaneity and recovery. Listen to your body and let go of the guilt that we put on ourselves for taking a break, for resting.

Declutter your relationships

• I forget where I heard this analogy of relationships as tennis, where one person serves and the other hits the ball back, and how if you are constantly the one serving, it’s draining and lacking reciprocity. You deserve someone who is there for you, too! It’s OK to pull energy out of that game and find a better match.

• Walk away from relationships that burn you out, and I instantly think of this quote

Beware of the candle blower-outers; you’ve got this flame—and this is your spirit, your soul, your light. Sometimes it’ll shine really bright, and you want to surround yourself with people who—when it’s shining bright—think, ‘Wow, what a beautiful light.’ And you want to be the type of friend who—when your friend’s light is shining—you say, ‘Man, that’s a great light.’ You want friends who protect your light. We don’t want to surround ourselves with candle blower-outers. We want someone who has room in their life for our light, because our light comes with us.” ~ Dr. Brené Brown

Declutter your overconsumption

• Know that you are enough, you have enough. Lean into gratitude to help combat the scarcity mindset of needing more, doing more, being more. Slow down and take inventory of what you have. Work to increase the gap between “I want this” and swiping your card or clicking “Buy now.”

• Give yourself explicit and official permission to let go of anything that

  • makes you feel bad about yourself

  • you’re holding onto for guilt

  • no longer meets the wants/needs of present-day you

  • causes more stress than it’s worth

Declutter your shame/stigma

• Get the help you need if you are buried in clutter and can’t find a way out or forward. Professional organizers are notoriously so compassionate and empathetic and meet you where you are to build a solid plan of attack with you and to create customized solutions.*

• Talk about what’s happening with people you trust, who’ve earned the right to hear your story.

• Talk with your healthcare professionals about stress management, wellness practices, or medicine.

• Explore alternate treatment if that feels right for you.

Declutter your expectations

• Through DBT, I also learned the expression, “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”

  • The Instagram-swoon worthy photos of someone’s perfectly tidied home is an unrealistic facade—no one’s home actually looks like that for more than a few minutes a day. It reminds me of a meme I saw that said something like, a moment before every picture of a child is taken, there was a mom swiping clutter out of the frame. That’s real life.

  • Recognize that right now, even if it doesn’t feel like it, you’re doing the best you can. Maybe not your best of all time, maybe not your highest potential, but the best you can in this current time, situation, experience.

Declutter your space

• have at least one spot just for you that feels special and sacred; where you can relax in peace away from the rest of the home, the noise and stress of everyday life

• commit to keeping that spot clear; take pride in this place of solace

*Shameless plug, excerpt from a Google review by one of my clients:

Decluttering is a learned skill—so if you’re receptive to growing and improving this skillset, you can and you will. Each time you put yourself first, each time you choose peace over possessions, each time you say “no, thank you,” instead of yes with resentment—you are strengthening that muscle.

And you deserve to flex. Being proactive against clutter is a radical choice and practice in today’s world of instant gratification.

I’m rooting for you. If you want to know more about working with a professional organizer, let’s talk. It’s free, confidential, and without pressure: