Say (& Mean) “No”: Holiday Edition
“No.”
By itself, it is a complete sentence.
You don’t owe anyone explanations or reasoning for why you are saying no. You don’t need ta passionate monologue about why you cannot commit, why you won’t accept more hand-me-downs or free stuff from well-intentioned family, why you won’t buy the hottest new toy that’s on sale.
You are a grown person who knows (or—like most of us—is learning) how to prioritize your own family, and what’s best for your home, your VIPs, yourself.
The holidays are coming and you know what that means—countless invitations, an onslaught of new toys/books/all the things, pressure to make the Christmas experience look like a Hallmark movie, etc.
I’m here to say, and loudly, it’s OK to say no. And to mean it.
You don’t need my permission, and still I’m giving it freely—and asking you to share with your friends and family (because especially as women, we need to know it’s really OK to say no, and to enforce it).
To say it with confidence. To say no, knowing you are coming from the RIGHT place—the “what’s right for me and my family” place. That genuine sweet spot of knowing multiple truths:
⚓️the holidays are really & truly NOT about stuff—they’re about connection, memories, family rituals, love, and experiences
⚓️as a parent, you simply cannot feel the joy and warmth of the season if you don’t allow yourself a moment to even BE in it—if you’re running around checking off all the holiday “shoulds” or being burdened by gift-giving or feeling pressure to create the Instagram-worthy holiday home
⚓️ your kids won’t remember what was in their stocking or what Santa brought that year, but they will remember the FEELINGS associated with the holidays—so we can aim to enhance their feelings of magic, bonding, joy, connectedness. And focus less on the free Amazon gift guide (true story—this week I saw two on a kids’ playtable—Mom said Grandma brought over her copy so each kid would have their own!).
⚓️two coexisting beliefs can exist at the same time. For example, your kid can love books and if it’s right for your family, you can say “D not gift any more books, please,” to your family—because you know that they have a ton already and really don’t have room for more, or they love going to the Little Free Library in your neighborhood, or you frequent the library often, or you do book swaps with a friend regularly, etc.
Remember, this is your home, this is YOUR family—anyone NOT a part of that must respect YOUR rules (rules = boundaries that preserve and align with your family’s needs, values, priorities).
Because I try to keep it real as a working mom, a woman with depression/anxiety, and as a fellow imperfect human being doing her best, here are some tried-and-true things I’ve said NO to, to simplify the holidays in my home and invite more joy instead of stress:
⚓️NO staged holiday photos
⚓️NO giving gifts to adults, our siblings and parents (and asking them to also only give to the kids, not us). This has saved a TON of time, money, energy, effort, and also clutter—I mean, how many slippers, quirky coffee mugs, and scented candles do you need to acquire each year??
⚓️NO unnecessary extras, just because. On our little one’s first Christmas, I saw a Facebook post about a “Christmas Eve box,” as a cute little tradition, including an ornament, book, pjs, snack, etc. And so, because it was the first year, we did that. But after that? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
⚓️NO to every single holiday-related event in our town and within a 30-min radius: instead we pick and choose what means the most to us. For me, it’s spending a day with my toddler in my beloved Philly sharing the most magical and tasty holiday adventures—because Philly is still so important to me. I don’t feel overwhelmed in planning, I don’t feel exhausted (but instead totally rejuvenated) afterward.
⚓️NO to excess toys. We love giving an experience gift (shhhhhhh this year it’s Disney on Ice!), a big exciting gift—last year it was a whole Sodor setup hidden under a dropcloth, and he didn’t even notice until we cued him lol), and a few small very intentional and good-quality gifts. It’s easy to succumb to Black Friday sales, to BOGO, to the cheap little impulse toys at the checkout, to the less expensive plastic/noisy/light-up toys (as a rule I don’t do that in my house because of sensory overload).
This holiday season, pay attention to the events, the people, the traditions, the parts that bring overwhelm or stress.
Say NO—and mean it; you can safeguard your family’s peace and joy.
Help is a FREE phone call away: https://calendly.com/consciouslyclearedandcontainedllc/freecall. I’d love to help you declutter in preparation for the holidays and the arrival of new toys. I’d love to help you practice your boundaries and get clear on your family values and priorities so you don’t lose the magic of the season.
PS: this is a picture I took on one of our Philly Christmas adventures, Rittenhouse Square, 2021. We got home just in time for warm, fresh-from-the-oven homemade cookies from my bride #blessed