The perfect response to “What do you want for [a holiday gift]?”

Shocker: It isn’t more bath soap.

Here’s the truth. When we give gifts, our hope is to show love and relieve some burden.

Your mother-in-law is NOT at the store maliciously laughing at what she gift will stress you out or add to the overwhelm in your home.

People in your life are not conspiring against your wellbeing or trying to add guilt/shame to your life. I mean, who wants to give an unwanted present? You would not give a gift if you knew for certain that the person would dislike it and feel guilty to pass it on just because it came from you.

Mama, it’s perfectly OK to have wants/needs and ask for help meeting them. Especially as women or parents, we may say, “Oh, nothing. I don’t need anything.” That’s polite, right? Or maybe we think that’s what we should say.

And guess what—it doesn’t mean you'll in fact get nothing. You’ll get that same Yankee candle you got last year that you’ll never burn or pair of gigantic fuzzy socks you won’t wear.

Instead of more (unnecessary/unwanted) stuff that YOU have to manage, store, care for, feel guilty you’re not using—why not ask for EXACTLY what you want. Exactly what you NEED.

(In the busyness of everyday life and the fact that we are pouring into so many others’ cups, do you even know what that is?)

Take a moment to get clear on what will bring you peace, calm, relief.

The more concrete, specific, detail-oriented you can be in offering up your wishlist, the better.

Let’s say life’s has been a whirlwind and you are buried in undone laundry, unable to tell anymore what’s clean and what’s soiled? Will you ask for a gift card for a laundry service that picks up AND delivers your laundry? You can even ask this loved one to tack on a “I’ll stop by and put everything in your drawers after!” for the sweet spot of “I’m loved and taken care of.”

Think of how daily grievances you have around your home. Think of problems that are growing in your house and you don’t know how to fix them because you’re not a tradesperson.

Maybe you need an electrician to create an outlet in the bathroom because you hate blow drying your hair or charging your electric toothbrush in the bedroom. (I know a good one, btw! ;)

Maybe it’s a practical need that isn’t glamorous or exciting, but will significantly help your bank account and your peace of mind. My stepsister asked for new tires for her car when she was in her early 20s. She was overdue for them, and the bill was steep. She felt so lucky when the family all came together to purchase them for her.

Jess and I are buying a smart TV and a new toaster oven for our home for Christmas instead of gifts. It’s not romantic but it’s necessary AF. And it will eliminate SO MUCH of that stress of “What should I get her?” and time spent browsing websites or shopping in stores.

Maybe you need time-saving gifts. What if you ask for a loved one to bulk-cook some of your favorite meals (such as x, y, z), in portions of 2, 4, etc., and then freeze them so you have yummy homemade meals when you don’t have capacity to cook? (With clear instructions for thawing and enjoying later)

Let’s say you feel angst every day when you see those stains in your bathtub that you just cannot remove? What if you asked for a gift card to a local cleaning company and then became one of their success stories with a before and after shiny tub? Sweet relief.

How about solutions to the overwhelm of opening your closet every day? Ask for a 4-hour decluttering session with a sought-after professional organizer (it’s me, hi!!!).

Self-care? What if you ask for the gift of wellness, of restoration for your body? Be specific and clear about exactly what you want. “A facial and pedicure at XYZ Salon” is better than “spa day.”

Let’s say you’re a coffee lover (like me!). Ask for the best! Ask for your favorite, even if it’s from a small shop in Philly (Anthony’s Italian coffee shop!).

Or maybe there’s this ridiculously expensive and fancy bottle of wine you’ve always wanted to try or you dream of opening to ring in the new year because you know 2024 is going to be incredible…but you can’t bring yourself to pay that much. Someone who loves you WILL.

What about a session with a brilliant photographer you’ve been eyeing up on social media who captures the most intimate, real-life love of your family? Tack on a request for a gift card to print/frame your favorites, and/or a handiperson to come hang them (so they don’t sit in a box for years). And maybe that’s your cousin, who can find a stud and level your art within minutes, and would be happy to help for free if only they were asked.

People WANT to help. People need specific, concrete jobs. It’s not enough to say, “I need a night out by myself,” and someone will respond, “let me know and I’ll watch your kids.” It’s better to say, “I want to go to x Theater on [insert date] for the opening of the new Marvel movie, and I want popcorn and a soda, and I need childcare coverage from 4-10pm.” Now someone can cover the movie ticket and/or the snacks, and someone can cover the childcare.

Note the emphasis here is on non-clutter gifts. Experiences, services, perishables. Meeting your unmet needs. Relieving burden. Answering important questions and solving problems that are outside the scope of your knowledge. Having personalized help.

Let’s remove the guilt around gift giving. Around asking for what we want. Around what we want not being a cool gift or exciting to “wrap.” Remove the guilt around holding onto what we don’t want, or being annoyed with ourselves for not being honest that what we really wanted was for someone to come fix the hole in your fence or to buy you tickets for 2 on a Saturday night for your favorite band who’s coming to town.

You deserve what you want, and your loved ones aren’t mind readers. Plus there’s too many advertisements and social media traps that are telling them to buy STUFF, to buy junk you don’t need because it’s flashy or popular right now.

Be empowered to ask for exactly what you want.

If you need help brainstorming, or if decluttering and home organization is top of your list, reach out for a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/consciouslyclearedandcontainedllc/freecall. Or send your family and friends to www.consciouslyclearedandcontained.com to request a gift card.