Permission to let go
I love to freely, openly, and enthusiastically give my clients PERMISSION to let go. Loudly. Explicitly. With nonverbal and body language matching my words. “IT IS OK TO LET THIS GO.”
The truth is, YOURS is the only vote that matters/counts. This is your home, your family, your rules. You have more control than you think.
For some reason, hearing a professional organizer validate the paring down softens the blow. It’s like you just needed someone who’s not you (or your spouse or sister) to say it’s OK. I see this so often when a mom says, “My kids won’t get rid of any of their toys, good luck” and then are shocked to see the overflowing donation bags. Or wives who say “my husband holds on to everything,” and then are awestruck to see the progress in his space.
I remind my clients that they’ve—for better or worse—been accustomed to the discomfort of living in clutter (and the subsequent stress, tension, anxiety, overwhelm, etc), and so to undo that, to strip away the layers of crap and really come face to face with your excess will be uncomfortable. Guess what though? You can handle that; you are strong enough to move through it. Usually, the most uncomfortable part is saying, “it’s true I no longer want this,” as you move it into the donate pile.
Immediately after our session, I donate these items to nonprofits/charities that serve neighbors who will use and appreciate them—AND only 1 client (out of MANY!) called to say “wait, can you bring one this back?”
Think about it this way, do you like feeling boxed in, not having space? Do you like overcommitting and saying yes to everyone and wearing yourself thin? Would you regret having more openness and less visual clutter? Do you really dislike the idea of having less on your plate, less to care for, less to clean, less to maintain, less to compete with the space for what you do use and love? Letting go is SO liberating.
“Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece after all.” – Nathan W. Morris
What gets in the way of letting go? Here are some of the most common reasons I see:
Shame/guilt
“What if I need it someday?” (aka I’d better keep it just in case)
“But it was expensive
“But it was a gift
“But it belonged to my mother (grandmother) etc
“But there’s nothing wrong with it” (aka it’s a nice item, it still works just fine)
Can you see how these sentiments come from a scarcity mindset? When your mind operates from that fearful place of not-enough, your hands clench the items even tighter, and you’re not really resolving your clutter and organization issues. You’re stuck in the fixed mindset of lacking.
I’m here to help guide you toward abundance mindset, growth mindset. To change the narrative that you are this person who is just messy, who is just incapable of taking care of her home, who can’t say no. I’ll challenge that with you. It’s a huge part of what makes this vulnerable process so empowering.
One of the most helpful pieces of advice I learned from therapy was to think about your best friend (or your partner or someone you adore): if they were in struggle and felt badly about getting rid of something, and guilt was the only reason they were holding on, would you really coerce them to keep it? Would you think less of them if they let go? No way. You would help them let go with gratitude and move forward. It’s the double standard—we are way harder and more critical on ourselves than we are of others.
Another gem from a different therapist. If you can’t do it* for you, can you do it for … Think of the effects that overscheduling, excess, overconsumption, toxic relationships, etc has on the people around you. If you take this stressor away—won’t your loved ones benefit? It may be a small item but it will have ripple effects, and it definitely helps you flex that decluttering muscle, gaining confidence with each time you choose YOU over anything/anyone else.
*it = declining an event, donating something that was gifted to you, ending a relationship, saying no
Organizing is a breeze when you have wayyyyy less, when you bravely and boldly choose to keep only what you use, love, need.
If you’ve committed this time and energy to go through your items (and if you’ve paid my fee!), let me help you make these decisions right now. Don’t give your future self more work—she’s got enough on her plate. Don’t keep going through your piles year after year. Believe me when I say it gets easier the more you do it. I’m right by your side to
talk it out to reminisce, offer rationale, and make your peace
strengthen your boundaries
improve your decision-making confidence
help you trust your own judgment
Book a free call with me to get the help you need—and deserve. This is a life skill some people simply don’t have, or had it but lost it once they had kids/covid/health condition etc. There is no judgment, zero, none.