We can rewrite the narrative about mom guilt
My 3 year old was in Delaware with a fever for 5 days in a row, and on day 2, I got on a plane and flew across the country for my first-ever annual summit of the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (NAPO).
In my absence, he was with my wife and my mom. (Read: he was in loving, more-than-capable hands.)
In my absence, my thoughts raced wildly and cruelly with mom guilt, saying really truly horrible things to myself about the fact that I was away from my sick child.
In my absence, he was carefully monitored, hydrated, provided with comfort and rest as well as lots of screen time and cuddles. And a call to the pediatrician for good measure. He healed fully and was fine.
As for me? Well, I leaned hard into that damned mom guilt; I let it distract me from the work I was there to do, the unparalleled networking opportunities from some of the brilliant leading minds in the business, the processing of information from speakers who were so vibrant and wise. I Facetimed every chance I could, I talked about it with strangers I was meeting, and I found myself thinking about him (or how terrible of a mom I am) when I had an opportunity to engage or learn or grow.
CAN YOU RELATE TO THIS??
Even as I thought I was moving past it after being home, a comment from my MIL really threw me right back into it, and I’ve been ruminating for days.
As a professional organizer, I will tirelessly work to declutter the stigma around mental health and outdated patriarchal BS that’s designed to hold women back.
I’m here to say publicly:
I am SO tired of mom guilt being this nagging joy-thief hogging way too much time and energy in my brain. It relentlessly gets in the way of me being my best self. I know I’m not the only one.
So, #%&@ it. What follows is my radical act of resistance as a mom in a world that is constantly telling us we aren’t good enough, doing enough, etc. I hope you feel inspired to create revisions to your mom guilt narrative. If you need a pick-me-up, I’m happy to chat, kim@consciouslyclearedandcontained.com.
I’m a human being and a (relatively) new small business owner, which is a huge, gigantic learning curve.
My tiny person is watching me make mistakes, humbly accept them and do my best to make it right, and NOT beat myself up (ok so he can’t read my mind, phew, and I’m working on it).
He is witnessing someone he loves do big, scary, vulnerable things to not only grow her wisdom and expertise, but to feed her passion and purpose. He is seeing me come alive in a way I never have before.
He is observing a smart, committed woman thriving—building the most incredible business out of grit, passion, and courage. He is witnessing me feel fear and bravely pushing through.
He is learning life skills, he is proud, he is thankful for our time together—when I’m home, I practice leaving my phone in a different room so I can be engaged and present for him. I’m giving him true quality time.
And I’m teaching him that I am a whole person in and of myself and I matter. That who I am and what drives me and what makes me ME is important and needs to be honored. I am a proud mom, and I am also many other things. He watched me plant a seed via my love for organizing—a seed that’s blooming into a luscious garden, and it requires tending to. He is watching me juggle my responsibilities consciously.
When I presented at the Wilmington home owner expo, he sat in the audience 75% of the time (which is a long time for a toddler!) and at the end when I asked if anyone had questions, he raised his hand and said into the mic—unprompted—“Mama, thank you for this great presentation.” Fun fact: you can hire me to speak at your next event!
I will continue to be this imperfect human stumbling through life, doing the best that I can and giving myself compassion and grace for times when I gave a HUGE piece of the pie to my work instead of my family. And sometimes I might lose a client by holding firm on a boundary that I do not work on Sundays or days he’s off from preschool, and I am OK with that* because I’m over here giving delicious mama love pie to my favorite people in the world: my family. At any given moment, I want to be this person who shows up authentically and generously for what is in front of me. There’s always more pie. This is a gem I learned from my cherished new mentor Tanisha Lyons Porter of Natural Born Organizers.
This is a selfie with one of my favorite outcomes of the NAPO summit. (I hope I got the pie thing right, Tanisha! I’m still learning it, literally in this moment/this week.)
*[Edit: I’m working to abandon the scarcity mindset of sticking to my schedule to get to the place of truly being OK with it.]
Now, to keep this empowered mom train moving forward, I will gently nudge and remind you that it’s brave to ask for help. If clutter has you stuck and organizing is not your strength, I am here for you. It’s free to talk, and it’s confidential, kind, and free from judgment!